I Want My Family
by Cassiesmum02
Summary: ON HIATIS What if Wendy realised she needed help BEFORE she almost killed herself and Abel? What if Jax decided his marriage was worth working at? What if Wendy decided to fight for her husband? How would the story differ if Tara came back to a united Teller family. T for now, may become M later.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

So normally I wouldn't start another story while writing one, but this idea would NOT leave me alone. Rather lengthy first chapter, can't say how long they'll be otherwise.

As a note, I have never been addicted to anything (other than breathing) so I've never had to detox from anything. I did help a friend go through drug detox several years ago from a synthetic version of marijuana (which is now illegal thankfully) so I am going to base a lot of Wendy's detox on that.

Wendy jams the end of her cigarette into a half full ice cream container, her body moving towards the draw and it's hidden stash before the thought has fully formed in her brain. The motions of cooking and preparing the syringe of crank pass in the blink of an eye, her hands and arms repeating motions she's done dozens of times. Sitting down at the table she looks down at her hand, the veins between her fingers barely visible.

Looking past her splayed fingers her eyes fix on the swell of her stomach, the baby she didn't want, but conceived with the only man she loves, and will ever love, at four months into the surprise pregnancy her belly is to extend over her lap. Dropping the syringe on the table she feels a wave of guilt and disgust that brings a tear to her eye. Picking up her phone she presses the first of her speed dials, the phone ringing barely 3 times before the voice she adores answers.

"Wendy, you need something?" Her husband's voice is concerned and it's that emotion that breaks her.

Tears rolling down her cheeks she starts sobbing "Jax I need you. I need our family. Please help me."

All sounds from the other end of the phone stop, the silence hanging in the air for what feels like minutes but is really only a dozen rapid beats of Wendy's hammering heart. "I'm on my way."

"Thank you. I love you." Wendy says, swiping at the tears in the corner of her eyes.

"I know Darlin', see you soon." The call disconnects and Wendy sighs in acceptance at the lack of affectionate reply.

10 minutes later Jax's bike pulls into the drive, the sound of a car engine cutting off a second behind the bike, the door slams open and Jax is in front of her before it can start swinging back "Tell me what you need."

Sobbing through her words Wendy gestures at the syringe on the table "I need to not _need_ that as much as I do. I need to get clean. I need to be a good mom, and a good wife. I need your help Jax."

Jax reaches over and picks up her hand off her knee "What can I do?"

Looking up through teary eyes she blinks, more droplets falling from her eyelashes "Get rid of that and get me out of here."

Gemma slips into the room and reaches past them both, picking up the syringe off the table, walking to the sink she turns the tap on as fast as it can go, injecting the cloudy liquid into the stream of water and watching as it vanishes. Turning to look at her son and daughter-in-law she graces them both with a glance "Anymore?"

Wendy nods, pointing towards the still open draw, the five bags of white powder sitting in clear view. Gemma opens each of them, washes the contents down the sink and then disappears with the now empty bags, the flushing of the toilet echoing down the hall a second later.

Gemma comes back into the room, her heels carrying her across the room to the seat beside Wendy. Grabbing her other hand from her lap Gemma squeezes her fingers till Wendy's eyes move from her husband's concerned ones to her mother-in-law's hard gaze "Will it stick this time?"

Wendy shrugs "I don't know Gem. I want it to. I need it to. I can't keep doing this; I'm killing myself, hurting my son and destroying my marriage." Looking at Jax she swallows and lets honesty colour her words "I love you Jax. I've never loved anyone else, but I need to know before I do this. Is there any chance for us?"

Jax looks up, his mother nodding just out of Wendy's gaze. Sighing he stands up and starts pacing "I don't know. We've tried before, you've tried before." Looking at the red rimmed eyes of the woman he married he nods once "You get clean and we'll see."

Wendy shakes her head "I don't need a 'we'll see.' I don't need a cop out answer Jackson. I need to know, _when_ I get clean, is there any chance for us?"

Jax gets to his feet and starts pacing the vinyl "I don't know Wendy. I could say yes or no and you could fall off the wagon two weeks into rehab. I could say yes and you're fine and we're okay. I could say yes and in a year we split anyway." He turns and returns to the table "Put in some time. All I can promise you is that I'm not going anywhere."

Gemma draws the pair's attention back to the issue at hand "Wendy, go pack a bag. Jax, call the centre, Wendy will be there this afternoon. Make sure there's a space for her."

Wendy disappears down the hall while Jax pulls his phone out, two minutes later the phone call is finished and Jax sits down at the table, dropping his head into his hands "I can't promise her that we can be together Ma. Do you understand that?"

Gemma nods, reaching across the table and holding her sons hand "I know sweetheart. But you need to remember you haven't been the best husband."

Jax looks up, his eyes blazing "I didn't shoot myself full of drugs while pregnant."

Gemma shakes her head "No, you didn't. But you weren't there for your wife. You were there to get her pregnant then bailed, fucking anything with two sets of lips that moved. We're lucky that she's realised now not in another 5 months when that baby is due. You need to support her as much as you can, and be honest with her."

Wendy clears her throat from the doorway "I'm packed."

Gemma smiles and stands up "Good. Your spots reserved. I'll drive you. Jax and I are going to remodel and redecorate in here while you're gone. Any colours you'd like?"

"I don't care, just make sure the baby's room is blue. I'm certain it's a boy." Wendy replies, smiling gratefully at her mother-in-law, feeling that the first thread of rebuilding her family web has emerged.

The drive to the rehab centre takes almost an hour, while they drive Gemma fills the car with quiet conversation "Jax told them you're pregnant, they'll talk to you about your options for coming off the crank." Wendy nods and Gemma glances over "These 90 days will either set up your marriage to work, or set it up to fail, you know that don't you?"

Wendy nods, her eyes darting around the car, bouncing from the windscreen to the wing mirrors, to examining the dashboard, to her feet and back again "I know. I've ruined so many things already."

Gemma laughs, not her normal full bodied laugh but a softer one "Jax will forgive you, it may take him some time but you've got 3 months of that. What's more important baby is that you forgive yourself."

"I don't know if I can." Resting her hand on her stomach she looks over at Gemma with fear easily visible in her eyes "What if I've done irreversible damage to him. I haven't seen a OB since I found out."

"They'll bring one in for you. We'll know soon enough if you've caused any damage and if it's fixable or not. But you have to do everything they tell you Wendy. You can't ignore things if they don't meet what you want. It's going to hurt." Gemma glances over and sees that Wendy's full attention is on her; mentally smiling she continues "The pain you're going to go through is your punishment for everything you've done. Jax will have his, I'll have him cleaning, painting, wall-papering till you get home."

"You sound so sure I'll be coming back there." Wendy says as they turn between the concrete posts that hold the gate to the rehab centre she's visited three times before.

"I am." Pulling the car into a visitors park Gemma turns to look at Wendy, taking in the haggard way she looks, her hair hanging in a greasy mess, make up smeared down her face, eyes still red rimmed and the nails that are chewed down to the skin. "You'll be coming home baby, just get yourself clean, for yourself, for Jax but most of all for my grandbaby."

Checking in and situating Wendy into her room takes up 30 minutes, but the minute Gemma leaves, with the promise she'll be back to visit as soon as she can, the walls start to close in on Wendy. The patterned wallpaper pointing at her, the echoes of laughter taunting her. Pacing back and forth in her room she's only been there for 35 minutes when she starts considering how to get herself back out again. The door swings open as she makes the decision to leave and go straight to the Hairy Dog, and oblivion in a small plastic package.

"Wendy Teller?" The smartly dressed woman in the door smiles softly at her "I'm the doctor the hospital sent for, my name's Dr Franks. You wanted a check up on your baby?"

The word baby stops Wendy's thoughts in their tracks, her eyes automatically going to her abdomen and she nods "I haven't seen a doctor since I found out, but I've been using since before then."

Following the doctor down the hall Wendy listens to the words floating over her shoulder "We'll check everything we can. Your husband said you were four months?" Wendy mutters an affirmative answer and the doctor nods again "We have some mobile equipment here, we can do an ultrasound and some measurements which will tell us how well you and baby are doing."

"Abel. His name is Abel." Wendy says as a door is pushed open to one of the medical rooms.

"Oh, I didn't know you knew the gender." Patting the seat she smiles as she starts some of the machines. "Shirt up to your bra, pants undone but you can leave them pulled up."

"We don't, I'm just sure it's a boy." Wendy replies, getting situated, her wide eyes taking in everything but her brain not absorbing any of it "Do you know how they're going to help me detox. Is Methadone safe for the baby? Is there anything else that I can take if it's not? Can I still smoke? What about coffee, or caffeine in general?"

Dr Franks chuckles, one of the screens lighting up brightly "We'll talk about that with the other doctors, and the councillor you're going to have in just a few minutes. This bit won't take long."

Wendy grimaces at the incredibly cold sensation of the gel being poured onto her stomach, but the sound that enters the room a second later erases the feeling. "Is that his heartbeat?" The sound of hummingbird wings at full speed coming from a small speaker beside the screen.

"It certainly is. Now, lets' get some measurements and make sure that your baby's doing good. Then I'll see if we can find the gender."

Wendy frowns "He's a boy."

"Hmm." The doctor hums as she clicks some buttons, presses, clicks another button, watches the screen for a minute and then looks down at the keyboard punching in a series of digits "Any family history of illnesses, birth defects?"

Wendy nods, her heart sinking "Abel's father and uncle were both born with heart conditions, they had holes in their hearts. His uncle Thomas died because of it when he was 7. His father's healed itself. Is Abel okay?"

Taking a few more photos the doctor looks down at Wendy's reclined figure "Baby looks fine." Moving the wand she smiles "And you're right, it's a boy. Measurements are all within normal, if on the smaller side, but a lot of that could be attributed to bad nutrition. Because you're pregnant we'll adjust your diet. Now hold still, I'll take some photos and we can go on to meet the rest of your team."

Wendy returns to her room almost 2 hours later, her head swimming with everything she's been told. Two pages in the note book she'd been handed already full of information. The first thing she does is toss the book on her bed and then turn to the corkboard, pinning up two of the photos that had been printed for her. Tracing her finger over one of them she smiles and backs up to her bed, sitting on the mattress with a sigh "It's gonna be hard work Abel but I'll do it. For you, for Jax, for me, for our family."

The first week of Wendy's detox is the hardest time she can think of in her life, from not sleeping at all, having no appetite but knowing she has to force herself to eat, her frequent trips to the bathroom when the urge to vomit becomes too much for her to ignore. The shakes, the sweats and the uncontrollable anger that strikes when she's least expecting it the only saving grace that she has is the photos on her wall, the movement she feels within her body of her son, the combination of her DNA and her husbands that grows each day.

The first weekend after admitting that she needed help passes with Wendy sitting and writing letters, to Gemma, to the Sons as a whole, to her parents, herself, her son and her husband, only the one to Jax passing a few paragraphs.

 _Dear Gemma,_

 _Please forgive me for everything I did, I know the mistakes I made were mine, the damage I have done to my family is beyond my sole control to repair. I need your help to fix everything and I only hope that you can forgive what I have done._

 _The OB says that Abel is fine, a little small, and there might be some trace damage to his heart due to the family flaw, but she thinks that it will heal itself as long as I look after myself, and him. I'm trying. I really am._

 _I do have one favour to ask, please give the enclosed letter to Clay and ask him to read it to the members for me._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy Teller_

 _Dear All,_

 _I cannot apologise enough for the things I have said while high. I cannot take back any of the horrible things I have done. I can only hope that you will all allow me to regain your trust, regain your respect and retake my place within our family._

 _I know it's not worth anything but from the bottom of my heart I am sorry._

 _Wendy._

 _Dear Mom and Dad,_

 _I want to blame you for what I became, I want to say it was because you weren't there, that it was because you were never there that I became what I am. The truth is that you didn't raise me. I was never a child, I never had the chance to be. The second I could I looked after myself, I cooked for myself, I cleaned up vomit from both of my parents when they were unable to speak, let alone walk._

 _Your addictions became my greatest fear. Your addictions killed you both; I refuse to let mine do the same._

 _Wendy._

 _Dear Wendy_

 _It's strange writing a letter to myself. I'm writing from a room in a detox centre, trying to get clean again. My motivations are both selfish and pure. I'm getting clean for my son, for my husband, for my marriage and for myself._

 _Hopefully when you read this in 5 years you'll still be clean, you'll have not just one child but multiple children with Jax and you'll be happy. That's my biggest wish for myself in the future, to be happy._

 _Wendy_

 _Dear Abel_

 _You'll get this in 10 years, maybe more. I hope you'll understand that what I did before you were born I am not proud of. I am not proud of the way I succumbed to addiction, to hiding my pain and my feelings._

 _I hope by the time you read this your father and I will be happy and you will have siblings. But most of all I hope that we're happy, all of us. You, your father, any siblings you may have, and myself. I want to be happy._

 _Love always,_

 _Mom_

 _Dear Jax,_

 _I'm only allowed to send out one letter a week so enclosed with this is a few extra letters. Can you please give Gemma her one when you see her next? There's one in here for me and one in here for Abel, can you please put them in the safe at TM. Abel's one is for him in 10 years and mine is for me in 5. I hope I'm still around in 5 years for you to give it back to me._

 _Before you umm and ahh and delay my therapist told me I should write these, she knows there are multiple letters going out at the same time and she's the one who will be mailing them for me._

 _I want to apologise first, for everything I have done up till now, for the swearing, screaming, yelling fights that we've had. Most of them just me yelling at you for whatever thing I imagined you'd done that day. I want to tell you that I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart about getting pregnant when neither of us wanted to have children, but I won't. I want Abel. I want him more than anything in the world. I've felt him move, felt him kick, I've heard his heart beat and seen his body growing._

 _Everything I have done as an adult was to distance myself from who I was as a child, I was afraid of falling into my parents alcoholic addictions, instead I picked my own. I never wanted to get addicted to crank, I was using when we met. I don't know if you knew that or not. The day we met I was high as a kite, and you appeared in the club at Reno._

 _I thought all my dreams had been answered, a gorgeous blond biker, who gravitated straight to me, I don't know if you remember that night. I do. Every moment of it, and the nights for the next three months that you came to me is imprinted on my brain. I remember the first moment that I realised I loved you. You'd been coming to see me for about 7 weeks. Every weekend you were there, Friday morning would arrive and I'd count the hours till you'd get there, always between 11pm and 2am. I requested the late shift at work so that I'd be there when you arrived. You'd stay with me till Sunday, normally you'd hit the road back to Charming at 3pm. After we finally managed to get out of bed and I fed you._

 _That week was normal, nothing was any different till Sunday morning. You woke up before me and when I woke up you were just lying there, looking at me. When I asked what was wrong you just smiled and said "Nothing babe. Nothing at all."_

 _There was nothing special about it, nothing earth shattering but in that second, those 5 words my whole world changed. Somewhere in that time you'd stolen my heart and it was those short sentences that made my brain realise._

 _It took me another 2 weeks to say anything to you and when I finally did you just laughed, kissed me and told me you loved me too. I think my smile would have been visible from the Hubble telescope._

 _We got married a month later and I came back to Charming with you, my car packed with everything that I owned. I was clean for a while, I tried, for you but I fell off the wagon. I don't know what it was that tipped me over to the point that my only out seemed to be crank. You knew within a week that I was using, but you didn't say anything, just fixed me with that disappointed glacial gaze you have. We split up and I got clean again, you told me we could work things out and we tried. I got pregnant and when I told you you vanished faster than I could say 'I'm sorry' and I was. I was even sorrier a few hours later when I was high again. I used for the first three months I was pregnant._

 _I'm not sorry now. Not sorry about getting pregnant I mean. Everything else, there aren't enough apologies in the world to cover half of the regret I feel._

 _The doctors say that my using doesn't seem to have done anything to Abel, yes they confirmed it was a boy so I'll take this second to say "I TOLD YOU SO." Imagine me poking my tongue out at you cause I am. He does have a slight trace of the heart condition. Dr Franks, the OB, says it should heal itself before he's born. He'll go through detox with me, because there's still 5 months by the time he's born we should both be completely clean, so no negative side effects from that._

 _Dr Franks says that I can take methadone, they'll be monitoring me every day, and him, for the first 3 weeks, 2 now. I'll be on a normal dose from now till a week before I leave then they'll reduce the dose for the last week, when I'm home Dr Franks will continue to be my OB until Abel's born. I'll see her every two weeks and during time and we'll continue to reduce the rate till a month before his due date, which is August 25_ _th_ _._

 _I hope I can still come home when I'm clean, I'm seeing a therapist while I'm here as well, she's helping me deal with a lot of my issues. Don't start, I know you'll tell me I've got too many. She's based in Charming though so when I get released she can continue to see me. Her trips out here once a week are part of some addict outreach program she's part of._

 _If I can't come home can you let me know so I can get a place in a house sorted. There aren't many and I want to be close to Charming for you, for Gemma and for Abel to be close to his family._

 _Anyway, the post is going out in about five minutes and I have to get these letters to Jean, that's my therapist, and get them put in envelopes._

 _If everything else in this letter goes in one ear and out the other just remember these three things:  
Our son will be fine._

 _I will get clean._

 _I love you._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy Teller_

 _PS; Dr Franks say you can come next to my next OB appointment to get some photos and hear Abel's heartbeat yourself. It's at 3pm on Friday._

245 the following Friday Wendy is sitting in the foyer of the main building, waiting for Jax to arrive for her appointment wiith Dr Frank, her hands still shake slightly and while the methadone is helping she still feels the occasional bout of nausia, but Jean has told her that's possibly related to the pregnancy as well, and that she's being forced to eat five small meals a day to make up for the weight she'd lost in the first five days when she didn't eat anything at all.

At 250 she gives up sitting, standing and waving to the receptionist "I'm just going out to have a smoke, can you come?"

Chrissie, the middle aged receptionist hits a few keys on her keyboard, taps a button on her screen and gets to her feet "Course I can Wendy. How are you doing?"

Shrugging she pulls the door open, stepping into the enclosed garden to the left of the main doors "Okay I guess. Dr Franks is great. I'm not so sure about Mary, I think she has it in for me."

Chrissie laughs, the sound like bells echoing in the small space "She's not. She's just trying to make sure you're nutrition is right, we're all worried about you and Abel."

"Everytime I turn around someone's shoving food at me though." Wendy complains, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth "But I know it's for him." Reaching down she rubs her hand over her expanding belly "So I take the sandwiches and salads, scones, biscuits, stirfrys and eat them without complaint." Laughing at herself she shrugs "Well mostly."

"And the smoking?" Chrissie being one of the few people in the building who knew that Wendy was trying to cut down her smoking as well.

"Jean and Dr Franks both say that it's stupid of me to try and kick crank and cigarettes at the same time but they agreed that cutting down is okay. I'm down to four a day." Lifting the hand holding her smoke she inhales "This is the second for the day so I'm doing okay."

Chrissie flicks away her cigarette butt and glances towards the door "Dr Franks is waiting for you."

Sighing Wendy takes one last inhale, drops the smoking end in the butt tin and walks towards the door "If my husband arrives can you bring him through?"

"Sure." Chrissie says with a grin "But he wouldn't happen to be blonde, goatee, jeans, sneakers and leather vest thing?"

Wendy's eyes widen as she turns around, spotting Jax at the end of the path she bites the inside of her lip as he approaches "I didn't think you were coming."

Jax shakes his head as he reaches the pair "Got caught up with Ma. She sent some stuff for you, it's in the truck."

"Truck? What truck?" Wendy asks, peering past his shoulder.

"I'll tell you later. This the doctor?" He gestures towards Chrissie who shakes her head with a laugh.

"Nope, I'm the receptionist. I'm taking it your the husband?"

Jax sticks his hand out "Jackson Teller, but you can call me Jax." The smile that crosses his face makes Wendy groan and elbow him lightly.

"No dazzling the staff. Are you staying to see Jean?" Wendy asks, pulling him by his elbow towards the medical end of the building.

Nodding he allows himself to be pulled down the hall, his eyes flicking over the paintings on the wall and the racks of brochures that are scattered through the halls "Yeah, I'm free for the afternoon. Ma wants a couple of photos for herself, and I have replies to a couple of your letters."

Wendy bites the inside of her lip, nodding once "Jax, Dr Franks. Dr Franks, this is my husband Jax."

The pair shake hands and Jax sits down in a spare chair in the corner of the room "So Doc, what can you tell me?"

Dr Franks smiles as she sets up the machines again "Can I be completely frank?" She laughs as she looks at Wendy who stiffles a giggle as she nods "First check of Abel showed that he was underweight but not seriously so. Wendy lost about 15 pounds in the first 5 days due to the detox and lack of appetite. We've got her on a high fat, high protein diet to put it back on. She's put back on about 11 pounds of it in the last 9 days. Ideally we want her to regain the other 4 pounds, plus put on at least another 10 before she gets discharged, she was underweight when she got here."

She picks up the gel and squirts some onto Wendy's exposed belly "Second check confirmed that he has a very mild amount of damage to his heart, Wendy explained your genetics so we know that's where it's coming from. He was still underweight, but only very slightly. We think he'll be up to norm next week, or the week after. Everything else seems to be going fine, which we're about to confirm."

The screen lights up with a ghostly image and Wendy's eyes light up, her eyes tracing the lines of a baby she can clearly make out, Jax gets up and walks closer as the sound kicks in. "Is that his heart?"

Dr Franks nods with a smile "It is. Strong and regular, just like we want." Moving the wand a little more she glances over her shoulder "And there's your son."

Jax's eyes cloud with emotion as he looks at the photo, the clicking and whirring of the machine fading into the background. Reaching down he picks up Wendy's hand and kisses it "He's perfect."

Printing out a pile of pictures for the obviously stunned father to be Dr Franks finishes the scan quickly, handing Wendy a pile of paper towels to wipe off the gel "He's still a little underweight. We can tell that by the measurements." She answers the unasked question she can see in Jax's face "But other than that he looks okay. You keep up your five meals a day and if he's on track next week we'll drop it back to three normal sized meals."

Wendy nods and grins "Thank god, no more feeling like I'm a walking cow, eating all the time."

Jax chuckles and looks down "You look good Darlin'."

Wendy's heart flutters and she softly whispers "Thanks."

Getting up the doctor hands the pile of photos to Wendy "Three copies of all of them as requested last time. See you same time next week?"

Wendy nods "Sure. I think grandma might be coming next week." Glancing at Jax for confirmation he nods once. "So grandma is definitely coming next week. She'll probably have a million and five questions."

Dr Franks laughs as she starts turning machines off "I'll make sure to bring the answers with me. See you next week."

Walking out of the door Wendy leads Jax through a maze of hallways "Jean won't be quiet ready for us yet. Do you want a coffee?"

Jax nods as Wendy pushes open the door to a huge industrial kitchen "What's with the five meals?"

Wendy sighs as she moves around the kitchen fixing Jax's coffee and her own cup of tea "Cause of the withdrawals I couldn't stomach anything for a few days. Anything that went in came out just as fast, so now I'm forced to eat something 5 times a day."

Handing Jax a full cup she sits across from him, folding her hands around the cup "I think the biggest issue I've had is that I'm either freezing or boiling. Dr Franks said it's normal with both detoxing and the pregnancy. But I am going to have to ask you to do a favour for me."

Jax lifts his eyebrow "What?" He asks, his eyes drifting down to his cup.

"Can you buy me some track pants and a few loose t-shirts. None of my clothes fit now and they keep giving me these hospital scrub looking things." Wendy pulls at the pale green shirt she's wearing "It's ugly and green is not my colour."

Jax chuckles "Ma sent some stuff for you, she thought that might happen."

Wendy breathes a mental sign of relief, Gemma sending clothes meant at least there was still a chance she could regain the woman's respect, if not trust and love.

"How's everything at home?" Wendy asks, meaning Charming in general, surprise lighting her eyes as Jax answers more specifically.

"We painted the whole outside of the house. White with blue shutters. Ma insists they're violet but they just look dark blue to me." Grinning at her "That might be cause I switched the colours. Abel's room is pale blue, we've got some of the furniture. Just a rocking chair and a dressing table. I thought you'd want to pick the crib. We repainted the whole inside. The rest of the house is white walls. There's new carpet through the place as well."

Jax looks up with a smile "Ma paid for the carpets, as a baby present. I paid for the paint and Ope and me did all the work."

Wendy nods "And TM?"

Jax shrugs "Same old. Cars come in, cars go out."

"And the guys?" Wendy wonders if she's pushed too far asking for news when Jax's jaw clenches.

"They're doing okay. Ope's struggling a little with being out and he hates working at the mill, but D won't let him within spitting distance of the club." Jax sighs and clamps his mouth shut "But we can talk about that shit later, what time are you meant to see this Jean chick?"

Wendy laughs and glances over at the clock "In about five minutes. We can head back now."

Walking back through the halls Jax notices more paintings and more brochures "They pushing all these brochures on you?"

Wendy shakes her head "No, they're mostly for families of patients if they need to know what their family members will be going through, all the programs that are available after this, and what to look out for when patients get to go home." Wendy knocks on a door and pushes it open when a voice bids her to enter.

"This must be Jax?" The woman that gets up is nothing like Jax expected, she looks like she's all of 25, her hair falls in soft blonde waves to her shoulders, framing a pale heart shaped face set with a pair of startling green eyes and a bow shaped mouth. Holding out her hand she shakes his hand "I'm Jean. Wendy's told me a lot about you."

Wendy glances between the pair, the flare of jealousy she feels dying when Jax shakes Jeans hand then steps back to her side with a smirk at her, knowledge shining in his eyes. "Unfortunately Wendy hasn't told me much, about anything. But I'm here now so bring me up to speed."

Jean chuckles, sitting back down in her office chair "Well take a seat and we'll go through what we've got to address today."

Jax sits on the leather sofa, sinking into the cushion and chuckling when Wendy sits so close to him her side is pressed to his from knee to shoulder, folding his arm around her shoulders he pulls her close and runs a hand over her hair "She looks better."

Wendy elbows him lightly "No talking about me like I'm not here. I'm going through crank detox and rehab, I'm not deaf, or dead."

The pair chuckle and Jean apologises, picking up her notebook "So Jax, I need to ask a few questions, and Wendy needs to ask a few. We'll let Wendy go first, her's lead to mine."

Wendy takes a deep breath, swallows and twists slightly "I need to know if I get to come home, can I still call your house my home?"

Jax looks at her "Yes you can come home. Charming will always be your home."

Wendy sighs at the semi-answer. "Okay, so I can come home. Will you be living with me, or are you going to move to TM? Am I still able to call myself your wife or do I call myself your ex-wife? Is there any chance for us to be an us anymore?"

Jax picks up her hand "I don't know."

Jean clears her throat and gets the attention of them both "I know you're not my patient Jax, but Wendy is. Giving her half answers, and I don't knows isn't going to help her. I can see you know what's going to happen and you're trying to protect her, but you need to be 100 percent completely hoenst with her. It's not going to help her recovery if she thinks something and gets home and finds the opposite."

Jax swallows, blinking a few times before he looks at Wendy's face "You still call yourself my wife, you are my wife. We're still married and I have not filed for divorce, and I won't. I will be at home with you, I don't know at this stage if we will be sharing a room." Jax looks over at Jean and then back to Wendy "I want to try to be an us, but it all depends on how this goes, how we are when we get home. Those are the only answers I can give you now."

Wendy nods "Thank you."

Jean smiles "Right, so what I need to ask you is this. Are you willing to be there to support her, she will need your help to stay clean. She'll need as much help and support as she can get. Is your family willing to help?"

Jax looks between the pair again "That's something I need to talk to Wendy about."

Wendy inhales "Just tell me, here is better, then I can talk to Jean about anything I need to before she leaves."

Jax sighs "If you're sure. Ma is happy to be any help she can be, she wants to be there for Abel and I've told her that being there for Abel means she has to be there for you. You're his mother and no one will ever take your place in his life. Ope's willing to do whatever he can to help, so is Donna."

Wendy sucks in a surprised breath "Really?"

Jax nods "Yeah, Ope and Donna are looking forward to having a nephew to spoil. Donna's looking forward to having someone to talk about baby shit with. They wanted to know if they could come visit you."

Still stunned Wendy nods "Sure. Friday's and Saturday's are visiting days, 10am till 5pm. As my husband you're welcome any day between 10am and 5pm, but you have to ring and let Chrissie, or whoever is on reception know."

Jax grins "Ma will be coming with me next weekend for the OB appointment, she can't wait. Donna's going to come out the week after to talk to you about what shit you'll need for the kid."

"Language." Wendy replies with a smirk of her own "You're going to have a pair of little ears around in a few months."

When Jax leaves the office with Wendy after another 40 minutes he looks bewildered. Stepping away from the door Wendy shrugs "Sorry about that."

"She asked me about my sexual history, and warned me that we couldn't have sex when you came home. What the fuck Wendy?" Jax's eyes blaze, but looking at him Wendy can see it's more from embarrasment.

"She needs to bring it to your attention. She knows that I love you and that you love sex. I talk about almost everything with her Jax. She knows that you were cheating on me, that's why the sexual history question." Wendy holds up a hand to stop the question she can see "I haven't told her a thing about the Sons, what little information I know is still entirely captured within my brain."

Walking towards the exit she pauses at the doors "I'm actually not meant to leave without a staff member with me."

Jax nods "I'll go get the bag of stuff for you from the truck, it's parked down the block then we can sit and talk some more?"

Wendy nods "I'd like that."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Website where all photos of all outfits mentioned is on my profile.

When Jax returns to the lobby Wendy jumps up from her seat "We can go to one of the family rooms, they're down the opposite end of the building to the medical rooms. But I'll drop this off on the way."

Jax nods with a grin "Sure, does that mean I get to see where you're living."

"Ick." Wendy replies with a grimace "I wouldn't call it living. I only sleep there, and occasionally read. The rest of the time I spend in the common rooms."

Walking through the halls Jax listens as Wendy gestures towards the rooms as they pass "That's the TV room, there's a library of sorts in there, it's not very big but they'll order anything from the local library for you if you ask. That's the play room for the patients that have kids who come to visit. There's a few rooms which are pretty empty for meetings with social workers, lawyers and family members who visit, that's where we're heading." They walk through another short hallway to one that stretches the whole length of one side of the building. "This is where the bedrooms are. Fourth door on the right is mine. It's not locked, none of the doors have locks on them."

Wendy brushes past Jax and pushes the door open "Welcome to my humble abode. Temporarily at least."

Jax steps through the door and drops the black duffle bag on the bed "It's smaller than our spare room."

Wendy nods "Yeah but at least I'm only sleeping in here. Head back towards the common rooms and we'll talk."

Jax threads his way back towards where they had come from, being grabbed by the hand when he turns the wrong way, Wendy pulling him behind her "If you go that way you'll end up at the laundry."

Chuckling he trails her "Better follow you then, you know your way around."

Wendy nods with a grumble "I should; this is the fourth time I've been here."

Jax hums in agreement as Wendy pushes a door open, sliding the plaque over to read 'occupied'. "It'll be the last Jax. I promise."

Jax nods as he glances around the room, sitting on one of the two arm chairs "Are you sure?"

Wendy folds herself into the other chair, her feet under her "I hope so. I want it to be. I won't use while I'm pregnant, if I even thought about it I'd check myself back in here. I know we won't work if I start using again and after Abel you're the most important person in my life."

Jax swallows, the noise audible in the quiet room. "And if it doesn't stick?" 

Wendy shrugs "I know if it doesn't then we're over, and I know if that happens then Gemma will do anything and everything she can to keep me away from our son." Her voice sounds resigned and she's not surprised when Jax nods.

"She will, which is why you have to make this time work babe." Jax looks over at her, his eyes lock on hers "Not just for Abel, and you know that. But for yourself as well, and for us."

Wendy nods "I know. It's part of the reason I'm doing everything. And Gemma told me I had to."

Jax frowns and leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees "What'd she say?"

Wendy shrugs "She told me the truth. This time in rehab, the detox, the pain from withdrawals it's my punishment for being a horrible person, an awful wife and a miserable mother." Jax opens his mouth to protest but Wendy shakes her head violently "She's right. I was below the lowest of the low and I deserved everything I had. I'm glad most of it is over now."

"Most?" Jax asks, sitting back "What's still happening, is it risky to Abel's health, or your own?"

Wendy shakes her head again, a smile twitching her lips at the genuine concern displayed "No, nothing risky to either of us, it's just the lack of sleeping and the whole unable to level my temperature thing. Like right now I know this room is perfect temperature but I'm cold." Lifting her arm she displays the goose bumps that stretch from wrist to where her arm disappears into her sleeve at the middle of her bicep "But if you ask me in five minutes I'll probably be hot and wanting to open the window. The sleeping thing is normal from the detox side."

"Why? I would have thought that coming off it you'd be sleeping more." Glancing towards he window he chuckles "And it looks like you'd be lucky to get the window open."

Wendy nods "Exactly, they don't open more than an inch, and it's only the top segment that opens. The sleeping thing is because of the detox. I'm drinking twice as much water as normal to try and flush out the toxins that have built up in my body so I'm up three times a night to go to the bathroom, plus the heat thing doesn't help, and the added weight on my body." Wendy shrugs with a chuckle "Other than those minor things I'm doing fine."

Jax nods "Like I said to Dr Franks, you're looking good."

"Thanks Jax." Wendy says, looking up at him. "Are you able to tell me what's going on at home?"

Jax glances around the room "I shouldn't. Not beyond what I've already said."

Wendy nods "Okay. So tell me about the furniture you've brought for Abel, and what we need to get when I come home."

Jax stays around for another 45 minutes, the pair closed in the visitors' room completely undisturbed. During the time they both find out some things they never knew about the other.

For Jax finding out that Wendy was terrified of spiders didn't come as much of a surprise after seeing her reaction when one dropped from the ceiling above the coffee table, landing on one of the magazines sitting there. That she'd been so terrified she'd been at the door before Jax even had focused on it had surprised him. Learning that she didn't know how to drive a stick shift made him grimace then shrug, informing her that she'd have to learn because the car he'd brought for them had a manual transmission.

Wendy learning that Jax didn't know how to cook didn't come any surprise, his request for her to teach him a few things does though. His shrug and casual pointing out that he needs to be able to cook to feed their son when he gets older makes her smile and nod.

Wendy is smiling when they walk towards the door, Jax's arm folded around her shoulders feeling lighter than she had felt in months, that she'd shared some of her history with him, that he finally knew not only that both her parents were dead, but that it was addiction that killed them had her feeling relieved, his renewed promise to help her as much as she needed it made her heart clench with gratitude.

At the doors Jax turns back to her and smiles, his eyes relaxed, some of the shadows vanishing from the depths, folding her into his arms he kisses the top of her head "I'll be back next week babe. Be good."

Wendy laughs, inhaling the smell of Jax before pulling backwards, not wanting the bridge they've made of straw to collapse "I will. I've got some letters to read, and some clothes to put away, and some studying to do if my brain will let me concentrate."

Jax lifts an eyebrow and Wendy shrugs "I'm thinking of becoming a social worker, working with addicts or doing something like that."

Jax shrugs "Are you sure that you should be trying to help other people when your own sobriety is so fresh?"

Wendy sighs "I don't know. All I'm doing at the moment is reading up about it."

Jax nods, pulling the door open "We'll talk more about that next week?"

Wendy laughs as the door starts closing slowly "Sure Dr Teller."

Jax shudders and walks away, waving over his shoulder.

Returning to her room Wendy sits beside the bag for a few minutes, inhaling the smell of her husband that now clings to her shirt. With a wistful smile she reaches down and rubs her belly "We'll be fine."

Unzipping the bag she closes her eyes and then looks towards the roof "Thank you Gem." The first four things her hands fall on are books, one thick hard box holding seven individual books, each well read. The other three brand new, their spines not marked at all by the force of opening them for the first time. The fact that one of them is labelled as children's stories doesn't bother her at all, placing The Chronicles of Narnia on the bedside table she puts the others on top of it, her fingers tracing over the spines of the other three books.

Turning back to the bag she pulls out five pairs of sweatpants, three t-shirts, a hooded sweatshirt and a cardigan. Tucked in the bottom are some brand new packets of socks and underwear. Her face twists into a smile again as she lifts two bottles from the bottom, one shampoo and one body wash. Popping the top she inhales the smell and sighs in happiness. The last thing she lifts from the back is a small pile of envelopes, each addressed to her in a different handwriting.

Opening the envelopes she pulls the letters out, setting them in a pile so she can see who has written each one, picking up the one signed by each of the Sons apart from Jax she reads over the two paragraphs with a stuttering heart.

 **Wendy,**

 **Your words and actions are easy enough to forgive, we have all done things we regret while intoxicated. We will never forget, but we can move on from your misdeeds on that front.**

 **What you almost did to Jax's son is unforgivable though, if that boy is born with any medical issues which can be attributed to your using there will not be a rock small enough for you to hide under.**

 **As for earning your place back. Time will tell.**

 **SAMCRO**

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **Jax told me he'd tell you we want to visit, I hope you'll let us. While I don't trust the Sons and want as little to do with them as possible Jax is my husbands' best friend and my children's uncle in all but blood.**

 **I have started clearing out some old things of Kenny's for Abel and I hope you'll accept them from one mother to another.**

 **Hope to see you soon,**

 **Donna Winston**

 **Wendy,**

 **Don wants to come see you, I'll be with her. She wants to believe the best in you, don't disappoint her.**

 **Opie Winston**

 **Dear Wendy**

 **To address your letter first, yes your mistakes were yours, but you were not helped by my son who treated you the way he did. What he did was not acceptable, but we have to move past those issues, but his and yours. I passed your letter to Clay, there is a reply with this pile. I don't know what it says; I don't know what your one to them said. The letters you sent were for yourself. Believe it or not I didn't ask.**

 **I'm beyond happy that Abel is fine, Jax told me that he will be okay. I'll be at your next appointment with him, as I hope he asked and you granted.**

 **I've sent some books, I know you love Narnia so your copy is included, I've also put in a few of the new best sellers, hopefully something will be entertaining for you. Leave them there when you come home.**

 **Jax would have told you, but the house is done, painted and new flooring throughout.**

 **I will see you next week.**

 **Gemma**

 **Wendy,**

 **I delivered your letters as requested, replies are included, and there are also some additional letters from Ope and Donna put in at the last second.**

 **I'm not sure how to reply to what you've said, I'm not a letter writer, never have been. I'm not really a writer at all to be honest but I'll try. I'm going to go through paragraph by paragraph and reply to those that need to be replied to, k?**

 **The two letters that you wanted put away are in the safe at home that Ma insisted I have installed for important documents, it's in the master wardrobe, I'll tell you the combination when you're home. Marriage cert, birth certs are in there already, insurance docs and all that shit.**

 **I accept your apology, Ma has been bitching at me since you were admitted that I was a horrible husband, something that I already knew, to be honest when we met I was looking for an escape, some way to forget the shit that my life was, the endless disconnect. You were the first person, and only person, to break through it all to see me for me, not for the club member, the VP of SAMCRO, the legacy to the founding father. None of that mattered to you and it was refreshing, I was grateful beyond measure for how open and easy it was to spend time with you. The sex was pretty great too.**

 **On the note of apologising I need to give you one as well, mostly for the above shitty husband. I was looking for someone to connect to and when I found you my wish was answered, but the second things started going downhill instead of fighting for you I fought with you. Your falling off the wagon was not entirely your fault, I was an awful person to live with for a long time, but you tried and it ended up hurting you.**

 **You've never mentioned your parents before, beyond telling me they were dead. Maybe when I see you we can talk more. You'll read this after we've visited so I hope we did talk about it, if not start a list of things you want to talk about.**

 **I don't remember much of our first night, it's all a haze of tequila, Jack and weed. I have images that I hate to say I feel** **might** **be from that night, but I don't know. We can talk about this one day, and you can tell me if I'm right or slap me if I'm wrong.**

 **I do remember the morning you're talking about. What you missed was the middle of the night phone call I got from Clay, there had been some trouble in town that I missed because I was with you. I don't regret being there but I got a lot of shit from him, and my brothers, for it. I remember looking at you and thinking why you were this draw, why I couldn't leave you alone. You woke up, asked me whatever you wanted and I tried to brush it off. I know I was distracted when I left that day, I was still trying to work out why seeing you was so important. 2 weeks later you answered that question for me the day you told me you loved me, and I realised that despite my trying to deny it I'd fallen for you. You knew about Tara, I'd told you about the mess she left me in and how I never wanted to love someone again, but you crept into my heart before I realised.**

 **My mother still hates that she missed our wedding, but it was for us. I know you struggled to stay clean, but I stupidly thought Charming would help you. I've never been addicted to anything to the point that crank had you addicted. You'd happily drive for a 2 hour round trip for a hit, and when I worked it out I hated what you'd become. I never hated you, I love you too much for that.**

 **When you told me about the baby, fuck I was furious. I was 33, barely in the VP seat, with a wife that I loved, who I knew was addicted to crank. We'd already split once cause of your using, I didn't want kids then. I wasn't sure if I ever did. I still don't know, I hope that seeing him on the scan when I'm there will cement my mind. You'll know either way I guess.**

 **You can't be sorry for getting pregnant; it wasn't solely your fault. There were two in the bed that night, two responsible parties who should have realised what was happening. Neither of us did, it happened.**

 **I'm glad it's a boy. I don't think I could handle having a daughter. Especially not if she ends up as gorgeous as her mother is. I'd be fighting boys away with a stick, or shooting them all, then I'd be in trouble, with my mother, my wife and my child.**

 **I'm glad you're able to take Metadone, it will help the detox, and I'm just as glad they're monitoring you as closely as you say. It's for everyone's sake that they're doing it, so I hope you listen to your doctors.**

 **Coming home; we'll talk about that when I'm there so by now you will have your answer.**

 **Despite everything that has happened between us till now I'm sure we'll be okay, in one way or another.**

 **Your three things:**

 **I'm glad Abel will be fine. I'm happy you will get clean, mostly for you. I know you love me.**

 **Mine for you to remember till I see you next;**

 **You get to come home. Our son will be fine, and have his Mommy around.**

 **I've been sitting here for a few minutes trying to come up with a third and the only thing I can think is that the house is finished, but that's pretty lame as far as inspiration 'stay clean' thoughts go.**

 **Jax**

Wendy chuckles as she reads the end of Jax's letter, wishing that he'd put some sort of affectionate goodbye on the bottom, but accepting that he can't. The knowledge for both of them that she could easily fall off the wagon again is too clear, her sobriety to fresh to put any weight behind yet.

Friday morning dawns grey and miserable and the day doesn't get much better for Wendy. At 11am she's the recipient of a phone call from Jax letting her know he can't make it, the silver lining on the dark as midnight cloud being that Gemma is still coming. Lunch turns into a massive mess when one of the newly admitted patients picks up an entire platter of sandwiches in anger and frustration and throws them in the air, bits of bread hitting the oscillating fan on the ceiling and spraying in all directions. After her second shower of the day and a second sandwich delivered to her room by one of the staff she sits quietly in the library and reads, the only sound the crinkle of pages as she turns them.

"Hey baby."

Her head snaps towards the door at the voice that surprises her. Dropping her book she lifts a hand to her chest "Shit Gem you scared me."

"Penny for them?" At Wendy's lifted eyebrow she smiles "You looked lost in thought."

Standing up and crossing the room she wraps her arms around Gemma's shoulders, a smile creasing her lips as Gemma hugs her back before pulling away and looking at her "So?"

"Oh, I was thinking how much I miss Bobby's banana bread, and those blueberry muffins. I've been craving banana bread toasted and then covered in butter and strawberry jam." Her eyes glaze over and she groans softly, blinking focus back when Gemma's laugh reaches her ears. "Oops. Sorry."

Shaking her head Gemma looks around the room "It's okay. Jax I wanted nothing but ham and cottage cheese on pumpernickel bread. Thomas, he was my sweet tooth, ice cream, sweets, soft drink. Anything with an unhealthy level of sugar and I wanted it. JT started having to lock his toffees away so I didn't eat them all. I'll bring some bread in next week."

Wendy squeals, a sound she will later refuse to admit came out of her body, and throws her arms around Gemma's neck squeezing tightly "Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are the best."

Pulling back again she ignores the heat in her cheeks "I'll show you around, how'd you get here?"

"Christine, Chrystal. Chrissie, that's it, she showed me the way." Wendy leads Gemma to her room, pointing out the same things she'd shown Jax the week before "We have about 20 minutes before Dr Franks will be ready and I could do with a smoke." Wendy says heading back towards the front. "And before you narrow your eyes at me and shoot death glares, I'm down to two a day."

Glancing over her shoulder she sees the death glares she knew were aimed at her back melting off Gemma's face.

The ultrasound leaves Wendy with mixed feelings. While she's happy that Abel seems to be growing at the same rate her concern that he's still underdeveloped for where he should be is there, adding to the worry about the now visible hole in his tiny heart. Dr Franks repeated assurances that it should heal itself don't help her, and she can see the worry on Gemma's face as the pair walk through the hall towards Jeans office.

Pausing in one empty corridor Wendy drops to a crouch, her head falling to her knees, something made difficult by her expanding stomach. Gemma leans against the wall beside her and reaches down, her hand brushing Wendy's hair. The pair stay as still as statues in that position for several minutes before Wendy gets to her feet, rubbing her thighs "Sorry."

Gemma shrugs, a strange looking gesture on the normally tightly controlled woman "We all have our moments." Her eyes fade from focus for a second before snapping back almost violently "Besides, while the underweight thing could be related to the crank, I know that damage to his heart is because of my genetics."

Wendy starts to shake her head, her hair flicking against her shoulders "But Gem you can't know that."

Gemma laughs, a self-depreciating sound "My sons were both born with holes in their hearts. Thomas' was not repairable and he died because of it. Jackson's healed itself before he turned 4. Something I thank God for every day. The hole in your sons' heart is a genetic fault, from my fucked up DNA. That's my cross to bear, his development is yours."

Wendy blinks several times, till her spine straightens and she nods "We'll shoulder them together then won't we Grandma."

Gemma smiles, the sorrow in her eyes at the mention of her son fading slightly "We certainly will."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Covering the rest of Wendy's time in detox/rehab in this chapter. Next chapter will have her returning to Charming, it will be set approximately 3 months after her admission so she will be 7 months pregnant.

After a slow week Wendy wakes on Friday looking forward to her three visitors. Jax arrives shortly before lunch, carrying a bag from a Chinese place three blocks away, Opie and Donna trailing behind him.

The four of them had eaten in one of the family rooms the air between them stifled and heavy until Donna had done something unexpected, throwing her arms in the air "For fuck sakes, we're all adults here so we're gonna deal with this like adults." Turning her eyes to Wendy she blinks "It'll sound harsh but I hated you for what you did to yourself, what you did to that baby. I don't hate you anymore." Wendy's eyes widen and she shakes her head slightly at Jax, his shoulders tensing as Donna sighs, folding her arms back into her lap "I realised that you needed help, help you didn't get from any of us. I'm Jax's best friends' wife and I wasn't there for you when I should have been. Jax's best friend wasn't there for his wife but most of all Jax wasn't there for his wife. The three of us have been close for years, since I was 16 it was four of us, then Tara left and it was three. I didn't want you to be here because I missed Tara. She was my friend but she abandoned us all. I think that I moved my resentment about that to you when you moved here. I'm sorry for that and I'd like to start again if we can." At Wendy's short nod Donna gets to her feet, crossing the room and sticking out her hand "Hi, I'm Donna Winston, this is my giant lug of a husband Opie."

Wendy chuckles, sticking her hand out "Wendy Teller. Nice to meet you."

The rest of the visit had gone surprisingly well, while the pair had stayed to view the ultrasound they had left shortly afterwards. Jax joining Wendy in another meeting with Jean (Jax refused point blank to call them therapy sessions, even though that was essentially what they were). The pair had shared a lot more information with each other within the soothing pale green office then either expected, Jean's eyes relaxed and calm as she helped them steer through issues neither of them had realised they had.

The end of their second face to face meeting since her admission to the rehab centre Wendy passes Jax another letter "Jean thought it might be an idea if we continued doing this whole letter writing thing."

Jax chuckles and nods "Can I post them to you?"

Wendy nods "I thought you might say that, the address is in the letter I wrote you."

Wrapping his arms around his wife's shoulders he pulls her to his chest and hugs her "I'm sorry about last week."

Wendy laughs, tightening her grip on him "You've already apologised four times. Stop it now."

Leaning back he shrugs "Okay. I'll try not to miss another on."

Wendy shrugs, lifting a hand and tapping the VP patch on his kutte "This comes first. I get that."

Surprising both her and himself Jax shakes his head, his hand lifting to her belly "He comes first."

Leaning down he kisses her on the forehead "I'll see you next week."

Wendy nods as he leaves, the door swinging closed behind him till a quiet voice behind her breaks her from her thoughts "That man is as good leaving as he is coming."

Turning her head to look over her shoulder Wendy lifts an eyebrow "Oh no Chrissie, he's much better coming."

Chrissies cheeks colour as she realises the unintentional innuendo she'd put in her words till Wendy starts giggling and a chuckle escapes her own lips "I'll take your word for that honey. How's things?"

Wendy smiles, setting herself on the edge of the desk and proceeds to spend the next 20 minutes catching up the receptionist with what happened in her two appointments.

Returning to the quietness of her room after dinner Wendy looks around for a while, nothing grabbing her attention. Picking up and then discarding her book she sighs finally reading over Jax's letter again before setting it to the side and closing her eyes.

Later that night at Jax's (LOL)

Sitting down at the dining table Jax puts his beer bottle down with a thump, his arms and head following their path to the table "Fuck." The word slips out of barely parted lips after several long seconds he sits back, pulls out the letter from the internal pocket of his kutte and drags the pile of paper and pen towards himself.

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **I need to start with news you're not going to like, I'm not sure how I feel about it just yet but I know I need to tell you sooner rather than later. I'm not going to keep secrets from you, and I'm not going to withhold information that I know will hurt you when you find out.**

 **Fuck, that makes it sound really bad. Tara's back.**

Sitting for a few minutes he looks at the two words, an unfamiliar feeling coursing through his bones.

 **I know this cause I saw her today while I was coming back from seeing you. I haven't opened your letter yet but I needed to start one for you to let you know this. I guess I could have rung to let you know, but we had such a good day today that I didn't want to put a damper on it by giving you such shitty news over the phone. I hope letter isn't worse. Tell me if it is?**

 **That's all I know at this stage, I don't know if she's back for good, I don't know if she's just here cause her father finally died or if she's here for some other reason. Rest assured though Ma is already on top of it, finding out as much as she can through her gossip network. I mean, her committees.**

 **Now that I've started this and written half a page I'll go read your letter and address it after.**

Jax pushes his started letter away, lifting the envelope with Wendy's writing on it again. Pulling the two pages out he glances at them for a second before lighting a smoke and swallowing a mouthful of beer.

 _Dear Jax,_

 _Jean suggested that we keep writing to each other, so I'm writing a letter for you the day of the appointment you missed. She also said, to both of us that we need to be bluntly honest with each other so here goes._

 _I'm angry that you weren't here, you promised that you would be here for me and the second time you have a chance to see me you bail. Well at least that's what it feels like. I'm sure you'll have a good reason, and I'm sure that you'll tell me, if you can. Gemma tried to soothe my ruffled feathers (her words) but she didn't succeed, hopefully you can._

 _Anyway, now that I've told you off._

 _I know you're not a letter writer, like you said in your letter to me. But I think you did well, and it's an easy method of communication. Before you ask, the letters are not read by anyone other than the person addressed to them. I can pass them to Jean if I need to, if something is raised that I need to address, or if I feel the need to._

 _Neither of us were the best to each other, I was an awful wife and you were a horrible husband but now I want to put that behind us, we need to learn from our mistakes and move on in order to be happy. As for what you said about VP/SAMCRO issues; I want you to know that I am here for you. While the club is a huge part of your life, it's a minor player in the great acts of my life, well at the moment it is. Until I earn their trust and respect back I'll always be an outsider. Listen to me sounding all responsible and accepting of that. You will always be Jax to me first. No, actually that's a lie. You'll be daddy first, then Jax, then the VP, Son etc_

 _Talk to me about the night you don't remember, I'll tell you about what I remember. Or don't, that choice is yours. I am happy to have a second first night when I come home…if you decide that's what you want._

 _I'm doing okay, this place is boring most of the time, twice a week I see Jean. Once by myself and once with you, or not when you don't come, I see Dr Franks once a week. The rest of my 'team' was really only around for the first few days. The nutritionist was finished within a couple of hours, setting that meal plan in front of me scared me, until I realised that they knew I wasn't going to be able to do that for a while. I mean, me eating 5 times a day was hard. Still is. But now it's down to four. I can't wait till I become more than a moving eating machine to the kitchen staff._

 _Speaking of that, I've given up the idea of working in a place like this, I've realised, with very little input from Jean that it would be detrimental to my own recovery to see people fresh off the addiction, still feeling their last high. Instead I've decided that I'm going to take a business admin course around our son and you. I'm hoping that I'll be able to go into some office work when Abel is old enough to go to school. Haha, again look at me being all responsible and thinking of the future. For right now I'm doing this child development thing that will help me with Abel._

 _I like the idea of the things to remember, but three each time I write a letter would be hard, and adding it to your list of things already would have you forgetting something. Don't deny it, I know you remember?_

 _So you only get a single thing;_

 _I love you and our son._

 _Wendy_

Finishing his beer Jax chuckles at Wendy's lines about being responsible. If someone had asked him six months ago what he thought his wife would be doing now he would have answered with either lying in a ditch dead, or high as a kite. Never in a million years would he have pictured her picking future job paths and learning ways to help their son.

Picking up his pen again he pulls his pages closer and sets the nib to paper.

 **Just finished your letter, and seeing I want to post this one to you tomorrow I thought I'd finish it tonight. I'll try and write every week, I don't know if I'll manage it, but if you think it will help I'll give it a shot.**

 **What we talked about today with Jean was eye opening. I never realised how much resentment you held towards the amount of time my mother takes of mine, actually I suppose that isn't the right word. What did Jean use, dislike. But thinking about it I do understand where you're coming from. I just hope you realise that when Abel is born he will have a bigger pull then my mother does. And I agree, yes she can be interfering and domineering and demanding and controlling and all those other words but she's still my mother. And your mother-in-law I might add. Now I know you'll be rolling your eyes, but it's true. What's more she'll be Grandma to your son so we'll have to work out how to set boundaries with her. She already knows that for the first two weeks after you come home I'll be taking time off work and we'll be sorting the rest of Abel's things, and the rest of the house.**

 **I'd rather forget the nights I don't remember, but I'm not sure about redoing the first night. We've got too much history, too much water under the bridge to start completely new, besides Abel will always be a reminder that we've been there before.**

 **I'm glad that you've given up the idea of working with people with addictions, I didn't want to sound like I was being condescending and controlling when I was talking about it last time, I just wanted to make sure you were thinking about yourself first. As for the courses you're doing, I think they'll help. Charming is so small people are always looking for business admin staff. And you never know, you could end up at TM doing what Ma does.**

 **I told you today when I was there why I couldn't be there last week, and I do apologise again, it was an unexpected issue, but solved now.**

 **One thing for you to remember. There are so many that I could say so I'm not going to list them all.**

 **8 weeks till you get to come home.**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jax,_

 _7 and a half weeks till I can come home. I'm sorry about today, but your face when Dr Franks showed you that 5 minute birthing video was so funny. I shouldn't laugh, but I think you went about 9 different shades of green._

 _Speaking of green, I like the third one, the one that's only a couple of shades darker than Jean's room I put the sample back in here for you. But you didn't tell me what it was for. The wood that I liked was the darker one. And why am I being given random colours of things to pick?_

 _I agree with having a week to ourselves when I come home, Jean does too as she would have told you by now. I think 2 weeks is too long, and knowing you, SAMCRO and TM the place(s) would fall apart without you for that long._

 _As for Tara being back, I'm not sure what to think. She was the ghost in your past that I never knew much about. Don's been talking to me about her, her and I exchange letters too, but she's much better at writing, we've been writing twice a week each. It's something to look forward to, and she's been giving me some great motherly advice for when Abel's born, and she doesn't mention SAMCRO at all. I guess I can't make any choices about Tara without you knowing what you're doing, and how you feel. Talk to Jean about it if you need to, that's what she's there for. You can even have a session, I mean, some time, with her alone if you need it to deal with whatever is going on with her in your head._

 _Regardless of her being back I'm not going anywhere._

 _I know you're going to be horribly busy next week so I don't expect a letter back, and that why this is only a page long._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **7 weeks till you come home. It's good giving you something to look forward to. You really expect me to explain the colours…..I guess I can. The green is for new linen (my mothers' idea) and the wood was for a new bed frame. The only one fell apart when Ope's kids tried to use it as a trampoline.**

 **That video was cruel and unusual punishment for any male, straight, gay or like Tig tri-sexual. No one should ever have to see that, it's just gross.**

 **Thank you for understanding that I wouldn't have much time to write, but I managed something, sorry it's short. We'll talk about Tara more Friday.**

 **See you next week.**

 **Jax**

 _Dear Jax,_

 _That cruel and unusual punishment is child birth. What I'll have to go through in a few short months._

 _6 and a half weeks till I come home. 8 weeks after that your son is due. Will you be in the delivery room? I need to know._

 _Donna wants to come see me again, I wasn't sure if you knew or not. I don't know what to say. I don't want to alienate your mother, I know she doesn't have the best relationship with Donna but I don't want to make it hard for you to see your best friend, and honestly I like Donna. She's honest and calls a spade a spade. Maybe that's why her and Gem don't get on, they're too alike._

 _DO NOT TELL EITHER OF THEM I SAID THAT!_

 _I'm glad you took some time to talk to Jean about Tara, even though I was in the room. I think it was eye opening for you having someone else there to listen to what your relationship with her was like. I'm pleased that you've made some headway into why you're relationship with her was so toxic, and realising that the way that we had been was just as bad is like a light being flicked on. If you need to, want to, you can still talk to her by yourself, I don't need to hear it all._

 _Have to go, it's dinner time. I'm finally on 3 meals a day, though I think the staff keep giving me double portions of everything. You forgot Abel's last photo so I put it in here as well._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **I'm glad women are the ones who give birth. That's just beyond anything a man can put up with. Shoot me in the leg, I'm good. Stick bamboo under my nails, yeah sure. Child birth, oh hell no.**

 **6 weeks now. That's only a month and a half. New bed set arrives next weekend, I showed you the picture when I was there and I hope you actually like it and weren't just placating me.**

 **Donna can come and see you whenever she likes. My mother will get over it. And you're right. They are two peas in a pod but refuse to see that so butt heads. Since Ope got out of Chino it's been even harder.**

 **And I value my life, so I would never compare one to the other in ear shot of either of them.**

 **3 meals a day is doing good things to you, Donna is going to bring some more clothes for you during the week. Thanks for the photo, I knew I forgot something. I've copied it for Ma and it's on the board at TM in her office.**

 **Tara is definitely a thing that should be discussed with Jean present, it's hard for me to talk about that shit, you know that. But having an unbiased third party telling me just how toxic our relationship was is certainly helping me realise some shit.**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jax,_

 _5 and a half weeks. 38 days I worked it out with the date that Jean gave me of August 27_ _th_ _._

 _It's a little concerning thinking that our sons ultrasound photo is up there with what I know is a lot of pages ripped from Playboy and Centrefold magazines, but if I know Gem she has pulled them down and replaced them with Abel's photos._

 _Donna dropped some new pants and t-shirts for me yesterday, but I think when she came by the house to pick up some more books for me she grabbed one of your shirts as well, but you're not getting it back. It's now my nightshirt. So if you miss it. Tough; sorry._

 _I'm glad Gem agreed to come see Jean with us at least once, I'm praying that Jean's able to get Gemma to understand while I know she will be Grandma I will not allow her to become the overbearing grandma. When it comes down to it I will battle with Gem if I have to over things to do with our son. The way he's raised, and his birth, is our choice. Not hers. While I do appreciate that she thinks natural births are best and all that banana (already trying to cut down swearing) I don't know what I'll want by then, Dr Franks will sit in on that appointment with us as well to discuss things from a medical point of view. The likelihood is that I won't be able do have a natural birth as if he's still got any sign of the heart problems they won't want any stress on him. While the defect is healing Dr Franks isn't 100% certain it will be completely fixed by his due date. We'll know more on that closer to the time too._

 _I'm telling you this now so you're aware of it. Next time you come can you please bring me in a pack of cigarettes, I'm down to one a day, spread over about four breaks during the day so a single pack should be enough for me to quit completely. Jean's surprised that I've managed to cut down so much, but she also said that there is a high chance I'll go back to smokes, which is fine. I'll go back to that if I need it. I won't touch crank again. I'll swallow a bullet before I do that._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy_

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **5 weeks till home coming. Ma wants to plan a party for you, are you okay with that? If not, tell me when I see you and I'll let her know either way.**

 **You're right, the porn pictures are gone from the board, it's covered with Abel photos. I may have slipped a couple of Kenny and Ellie on there as well; I don't think she's noticed yet. Don't really care if she does or not.**

 **Just remember Dr Franks said that we can take it by ear with the delivery, and as I said I will be there if you want me to be. Don was over the moon that you asked her to be there as well, I haven't told Gem yet. I figured you can tell her this week when she comes up, she'll be with me on Friday for this appointment with Jean, and that's probably the best place to be when you tell her your support team for Abel's birth.**

 **I'll bring the stuff I've got on Thomas when I come next week for Dr Franks, Ma seemed surprised when I asked for it all, it's too much to post.**

 **Donna took some photos of the new bed set for you, she said she's coming to see you next week? Are you allowed more visitors now?  
See you Friday,**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jax,_

 _4 and a half weeks, a little under a month. 31 sleeps. Dr Franks and Jean both said that I shouldn't be superglued to the date they've given, it could move either way. They both seem surprised at how well I'm doing this time, I'm not sure if you knew or not but Jean's been in my support team each of the other times I've been here, she seems to think that this time is different. I actually had to laugh at that, of course it's different, I've got a baby on the way and my husband is finally putting some input into our relationship. It probably helps a lot that you've finally let go of Tara, that was pretty intense though and I'm sure that Jean realises how hard it was for you._

 _I'm sorry that you got upset, but I do have to say that her pushing you was obviously what you needed. I'm sure when we were done you went out and did something else to get rid of the extra tension. And I'm sorry about Jean and Dr Franks both asking you about your activities while we've been apart, that was embarrassing for me as well._

 _I love you._

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **I'm sorry again.**

 **See you next Friday.**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jackson,_

 _3 and a half weeks till I kick your ass at home._

 _Hahahaha, I bet you were fully shitting yourself there. I'm not angry that you couldn't come, well I kind of am, but I get that Uncle Jury needed you. If it wasn't that I know him I wouldn't be so relaxed. Just let me know that he's okay, and that you're okay too._

 _You better be here Friday or you might have a foot implanted in a part of your anatomy that I'm rather attached to._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **I promise I'll be there Friday. In fact I'm hoping this letter reaches you before then, it should seeing I'm posting it Monday.**

 **Don dropped your letter off, along with a stern talking to that lasted about an hour. That woman knows some very in depth and detailed ways of describing painful situations. I'm still cringing.**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jax_

 _Donna sent me a list of the things she told you she'd do to you if you miss another appointment. With only 17 days till my release date I would hope not, there's only three more appointments to go, two Friday's and one Tuesday. If all goes well I'll have one last scan on the Tuesday and then get to go home Wednesday._

 _Gemma's coming with you this Friday, Jean is expecting it to be an interesting visit._

 _This letter won't get there before you come to visit, seeing you're coming tomorrow so I'm going to leave it at this. Everything else we can talk about face to face._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **16 days till homecoming.**

 **I just got home and read your letter. You're cruel and unusual punishment of including a still photo from someone giving birth will not be forgotten. Just be grateful I'd been at TM for the afternoon and not read it before now otherwise I may have rung and told you what I thought of it.**

 **I feel lighter today, speaking with Jean was very therapeutic for Mom I think, she spent most of the drive home in silence, it wasn't till we got home that she said much. She apologised for being so overbearing and agreed that she's the way she is because of Thomas. I would suggest that she gets grief counselling over it but I'm not sure if 25 years after the event it would be much good. I'll talk it over with Clay and see what he thinks.**

 **The house is ready for you, everything in the kitchen has been cleaned within an inch of it's life and we ended up repainting the whole kitchen. Ope and I did it so it doesn't look as good as the rest of the house, but it's clean. White with green, Donna picked the bits to do green so you've now got green cupboard doors and draw fronts. They had the white paint in their garage, all I had to get was the green, but we owe Don a tank of gas as payment.**

 **See you Friday,**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jax,_

 _12 days till I come home. And you can ring whenever you like, as my husband they will always get me if you phone the centre. Unless it's between midnight and 7 am._

 _Donna told me before her and Ope came over that they were going to paint the kitchen; with or without your approval I was told. That brown needed to go, it was overbearing, oppressive, dark and gloomy._

 _Grief counselling for Gemma would be good, I was talking with Jean about it (your letter arrived this morning and I had a session today) and she thinks that Gemma has a lot of self-hate about Thomas dying, she blames herself. It's about 24 years overdue that someone said something to her about it. Her and JT should have been offered something through the hospital after Thomas died, I wouldn't be surprised if they were and neither wanted to say yes. Remind her that any counsellor, therapist or whatever is bound by their oaths not to say anything to anyone else, unless the information poses a risk to someone's health, or national security._

 _I'm down to a ¼ dose of methadone now, they've reduced the doses faster than they thought, by accident mostly. One day they only gave me half a dose, and while that was the day I smoked more, I was okay, so Jean and Dr Franks both think that they should be able to reduce that to nothing by the time I go home._

 _The tank of gas was Donna's way of getting enough gas to come see me this week and next week. She's timing her visits to see me on a Wednesday, which is tomorrow come to think of it. It's good having her visit me mid-week, I have two things a week to look forward to. Donna comes on a Wednesday, then 2 days later you come out, then five days later she comes back. And normally the letter from you arrives on Monday or Tuesday, depending on when you drop it in the box._

 _I've packed up some of my stuff to send back with Don tomorrow, the clothes that don't fit anymore mainly, that way all I'll have the last week or so is a couple of outfits and my books._

 _See you Friday._

 _Love,_

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **I put the stuff you gave me in the spare room, I wasn't sure where else to put it. It'll be there for you to sort when you come home. Ma gave me the key to the storage locker that we can go through to look for baby stuff when you come home, 9 days now. Single digits.**

 **It's amazing how fast the time has passed, but how much we've gotten through is even more impressive.**

 **See you 9 days, though by the time you get this it will be 5 days.**

 **Jax.**

 _Dear Jax_

 _You were right, your letter arrived today, which is Tuesday, but my release day has been pushed back by a day. It'll be Monday the 28_ _th_ _instead, so it's 6 days, not including the day of release. Jean thinks I should be good to leave by about 2pm that day. She's got one final hour booked with me for11am till noon, then I have to have lunch and I'm seeing Dr Franks again at 1pm. After that I should be good to go home._

 _I had my last dose of Methadone yesterday, so they want that extra day to make sure I don't have any issues, though by then it will have been 5 days. Jean said they'll know by tomorrow if they've stopped it too soon or not._

 _Thanks for the new shirt, the old one I'd been sleeping in is all stretched now so you're still not getting it back, but this one smells like you, it's very comforting to sleep with your smell._

 _I love you, see you in 3 days._

 _Wendy._

 **Dear Wendy,**

 **This will be the last letter before you come home. It's now Friday afternoon, and I'm going to have this couriered to you so you'll get it on Monday morning, hopefully a few hours before I come to collect you.**

 **I used the opportunity today to see Jean by myself for a few minutes, which turned into half an hour where all I basically did was talk. She put several things back into perspective for me and made me take my blinkers off.**

 **I'm not going to go over everything we talked about, a lot of it was more about the things we'd already talked about but I still needed to unload, Jean's words, a lot of my bad feelings. None of them were aimed at you. I didn't realise till today how much I disliked myself for my actions towards you. While the knowledge has been forming in my brain these last few weeks, and was easy enough to accept it took more to say it out loud how disappointed I knew my father would be in me, how much I was ashamed of my own behaviour. Before you go arguing with me, and I know you will, remember that Jean told us we should talk about our feelings. As much as the whole idea seems insane to me I figure if it helps you, and helps us then I should be open to anything.**

 **She suggested that we continue to see her for another few weeks when you're home, which I agree with. She also said that you're welcome to be her patient for as long as you need. She's in Charming at St Thomas' on a weekly basis, on a Tuesday so if you want to continue seeing her, either alone or together then we'll let her know before you leave on Monday.**

 **I talked to Gem about the welcome home party as you asked, and she's downgraded it from a whole party to just a family dinner at her house, which won't be happening till after you've had a week to settle back in.**

 **The courier van has just pulled in to collect the parcels and urgent invoices so I'll sign off now.**

 **See you Monday.**

 **Jax**

 **P.S. Something else that I realised while talking to Jean today. I love you.**

Wendy looks around the now empty room, her eyes wide and shining with tears, looking down at the letter her brain focuses on the last three words, her door opening behind her is completely missed as her fingers trace the words, her full attention on the page.

Finally blinking she swipes at her cheek as a tear overflows her lashes and coasts down her cheek.

"You did get it. I'm glad." The noise breaking her stunned position as she turns around, her eyes meeting the pale blue ones. Taking a step closer to her Jax grins "I meant it. I love you Wendy."

Throwing herself into his embrace she wraps her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder "I love you too Jax."

Jax's hand slides up her back and wiggles it's way into her hair, pulling her head back he lifts his other hand, using a fingertip to wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks "I hope these are happy tears?"

Wendy nods furiously "They are." 

Smiling Jax whispers "Good." Before lowering his head and pressing his lips gently to hers.


	4. Chapter 4

First: An announcement; for the second time this month my USB died on me, I am taking this as a sign to stop writing, in honesty I hadn't had the motivation to in a couple of weeks. While the ideas are there, the desire to put fingers to keys isn't. Plus I am moving jobs next week and just won't have the free time I did. I may come back to it in the future, but for the time being this can be classed as being on Hiatus

CHAPTER FOUR

Jax picks up Wendy's bag off the bed, glances around the room and then throws his arm around her neck "You ready to go?"

Wendy nods, the warmth seeping into her body from his arm making her smile wider "Yep. Lets go home, please."

Jax leads Wendy out the door, both of them waving over their shoulder at a laughing Chrissie. Wendy stops in the doorway, turns around and smiles "As bad as this sounds, I honestly hope I never see you again."

Chrissie laughs and nods "The feeling is mutual there Wendy. Though make sure you send us a birth announcement when Abel's born."

Wendy nods, the door swinging behind her, seeing Jax's curious expression she shrugs "They encourage staff to not socialise with former patients. And I wouldn't anyway. I'm moving on with my life, and seeing this place and the people that work here would not be good for my recovery."

Jax hums in agreement as they turn onto the street "Big silver Ram down there." He gestures towards the vehicle in question "So what about seeing Jean, isn't that going to be a reminder?" 

Wendy nods "Yeah it is, but in the long run she's always been there for me, not for my addiction." Jax looks confused again and Wendy laughs as he pulls a set of keys out of his pocket, tossing Wendy's bag in the back they don't speak till they're both settled in the truck and Jax is pulling away from the curb.

"Most of what I talk about with Jean isn't to do with the addiction." Wendy continues, revelling in the freedom she feels "It's about how I got to that point that crank was my only outlet. We have spent some time talking about my using, but most of our time is spent on other things. The two of us have spent so much time analysing my childhood, and the adult years till I met you that I think I've talked about almost every event in my life. The times with you we've all talked about." Wendy winds the window down with a smile "She and I have talked a bit about the two of us, but nowhere near to the extent she's made me talk about myself."

Jax wipes his hand across his forehead as he exhales "Phew. I might be in trouble otherwise."

Wendy reaches over and slaps his arm lightly, her smile still firmly fixed on her face as the wind rushes in the window and whips her hair around. "I miss that." She remarks softly, the smile still on her face fades a little.

"What's that Darlin?" Jax says glancing over before fixing his attention back on the road.

"The bike, the wind, the fresh air, the freedom." She chuckles looking down "But that's not gonna happen for a while." Rubbing her hand over her belly she smiles "59 days till due date."

"About that." Jax says with a glance over "Have you worked out how to tell Ma that you're having Don at the hospital when he's born?"

"No. I haven't." Wendy sighs, leaning her head back onto the seat "If I tell her she'll see it as a kick in the teeth for all the help she's been, and she won't let me explain. Don understands that Gem will be there as well, but the possibility is that if Gem throws a fit I might have to ban them both." Leaning forward she drops her head into her hands "I'm not sure how to tell Gemma without demolishing the repairs we've done to our relationship, but I can't have just here there as a support, I need Donna as well."

Jax shrugs "Don't know darlin'. Sorry."

Wendy chuckles tugging her fingers out of her hair "I guess I've got till dinner Saturday to figure it out."

Jax falls silent, his attention focused on the road and it's several silent seconds later when Wendy blinks her eyes open "I have till Saturday, don't I?"

Glancing over at her he chuckles "Yes you do. The house is empty for you to settle back in. Don figured that you would like to rest, and get used to being back at home before everyone bombarded you."

Nodding her eyes close again "That's good, cause it's going to be strange."

"What is darlin?" Jax asks, resting his hand on her knee. "Being home?"

"Yeah." Wendy's voice is soft as she looks out the window at the passing trees "It'll be strange, not having to report for dinner time, not having to be at certain places at certain times, not having to see someone every day for some reason or another. I'm already noticing the quiet. It was always noisy in there, someone was always making noise." Chuckling to herself she looks over "Though I guess I should enjoy it while it lasts, cause in 2 months it'll never be quiet again."

Jax nods, his fingers squeezing her knee "You got that right."

"And I guess I'll have to get used to doing all my own laundry again, and my own cooking, shopping, paying bills, balancing check books." Groaning she glances over at her husband "Can I go back?"

Shaking his head he lifts his hand and grabs her fingers "Nope, but I'm there to help for a week. Don's always around, if not then Gemma will be. You're just gonna have to open your mouth and ask when you need help."

Nodding again she turns her hand over and laces their fingers together "That's going to be something else to get used to." At Jax's lifted eyebrow she squeezes his fingers "Us, being an us again, we weren't a unit for a long time." Seeing Jax open his mouth she shakes her head "No, no more apologies, from either side. What's done is done, it's time to move on from all that crap. But you are going to have to walk me through all the household finances again."

Jax grimaces but nods "I'll have to get you back on the accounts."

Wendy stays silent, knowing her husband removed her access to their joint bank account when she was burning through $200 a week on crank, that the amount only increased after that it was definitely a blessing. "Can we do a joint signatory for me to start with? Just till I know that I'm getting everything right?"

Glancing over Jax flicks his indicator on to turn onto the quiet residential street in Charming "Sure thing, though Don thinks it's time to upgrade it all into this century and start doing everything using web banking."

Wendy laughs and shakes her head "You, using a computer. I find that hard to imagine."

Jax nods "Yeah me too, so we'll be sticking with the old fashioned way."

Wendy's still laughing when he pulls into the drive, parking the car between his bike and the fence he reaches over and picks up her hand off her knee "It's okay Darlin'. It's just me and you."

"Promise?" Wendy whispers, her voice cracking.

Jax nods, opening his door and getting out. Circling the car he opens her door and leans across her to undo her seatbelt "How bout we go inside, you have a shower and I'll order some dinner?"

Looking over at him she nods "Can we have pizza?"

Jax chuckles and nods "Sure we can. Anything in particular?"

"Garlic bread." Is the instant answer "Fries, cheese pizza with BBQ sauce and one with as much sausage and pepperoni as they'll put on it."

Still laughing he pulls her from the car, grabbing her bag from the back "That's completely doable darlin'. Come on."

Handing her a key at the door he smiles "Got you a new keychain as well."

Fingering the tag on her keys she blinks, the Teller-Morrow keyring one of the ones Gemma had started giving away with services a while ago, the difference with this one is her name is engraved in the back. Tracing her fingertip over the words she sniffs "I'm not sure I'll get used to Gemma being so helpful."

Jax laughs as he pushes the door open "She's turning over a new leaf as well. Well trying to."

The house is completely silent as they enter, Jax drops his keys on a table, his kutte being shrugged off and hung on its hook, his holster following it being dropped right by the keys. Heading towards the kitchen it's not till he's opened the fridge, pulled a beer out and cracked it open that he realises Wendy is still standing at the door, her eyes wide.

"You okay Darlin'?"

The sound of his voice in the silence breaks Wendy's statue impression and she nods once "Yeah, I think so. Show me the nursery?"

Jax takes Wendy on the five minute tour of their house first, showing her the redecorated kitchen, the repainted walls, new carpet and new bed that have taken their place in the house since she left 3 months ago. Finally pushing open the door to their sons room she lifts a hand to her throat "Oh Jax."

Stepping into the room her eyes dart over everything, taking in the rocking chair, the daybed, the brand new crib, the cabinet stocked with nappies and clothes, the mobile that's already hanging over the bed and the letters stuck to the wall "It's perfect." Turning around she grins at him "Now get me food, I'm going to shower. In my own bathroom." She sighs happily and then snorts "I think I'm actually going to look forward to cleaning my own house, I must be sick."

Jax laughs, clamping his mouth closed in an exaggerated movement "Garlic bread, fries, cheese pizza, sausage and pepperoni pizza?" At Wendy's nod he turns and heads back to the living room and the phone.

The night passes quietly, most of the time Wendy sits in relative silence, her mind swimming in details she's never noticed. That Jax always eats the crust of his pizza first makes her mentally laugh, but the mock-fight they'd had over the last piece of garlic bread had made the giggles vocal, his smirking at her shoving the whole piece in her mouth had made chewing difficult.

Passing the hours after dinner watching movies in the living room Wendy swallows nervously as it reaches 1030, her eyes starting to get heavy. While her mind tries to sort through ways to bring up the conversation she fidgets, picking her fingers, picking at a loose strand on her t-shirt, crossing her legs, then crossing them the other way. As the final credits roll on the second movie they'd watched Jax glances over at her with a frown.

"What's up?"

Looking up through her eyelashes Wendy bites her bottom lip for a second before sighing "I'm tired, but…"

"You don't know about sleeping arrangements?" Jax finishes "We talked about it; if you want me to I'll sleep in the spare room. It's up to you darlin'."

Shrugging Wendy's teeth dig into the flesh of her lip again. Twisting her fingers together she looks up into Jax's eyes "I know we're working on our issues, but I'm not ready to do _that_ yet."

Jax laughs and reaches over, grabbing her hands and untangling her fingers "If that's what you're worried about darlin', stop it. I'm not going to rush anything. Not this time anyway."

Wendy leans over and presses a palm to his head making him frown. Around her responding giggles she splutters "Just checking you're not sick."

"I'm serious here Wendy, we rushed into everything last time, and I don't want to make the same mistakes again." He shrugs, trying to pull of nochalance "I want this to work as much as you do."

Wendy leans back into the couch and lets her body relax, unaware of the tension she'd been holding till then. "Well then I'm ready for bed, and I'd like my husband to hold me."

Jax smiles and gets to his feet "Of course."


End file.
